The Brutal Truth About The Relationships You Build in Human Resources…
By Alan Collins
A few days ago, I had lunch with a good friend of mine who just landed a new job.
She will be heading up HR for the Canadian division of a new technology firm.
Needless to say, she’s excited about her new gig. And I’m excited for her.
You see, we met as HR colleagues at Quaker Oats sixteen years ago and have been friends ever since. We’ve been there for each other through good times and bad — divorce, re-marriage, deaths in our family, raising kids, career disappointments, bad bosses, layoffs, illnesses, and job changes.
Even though she’s moving to her new job in Toronto, and I’m in Chicago, I have no doubt that we’ll keep in contact. I consider her a lifetime friend. And, I have very few people in my life that I consider LIFETIME friends. Friends, yes. Lifetime friends, no.
Thinking of her new role reminded me of all the HR jobs I’ve had. Over the years, I was always meeting new people, building relationships with many of them – and then leaving them or getting left behind when they moved on.
In cases where my working relationships developed into personal friendships, going our separate ways was never easy. At farewell parties, there were always tears, followed by sadness, and sometimes just a deep feeling of loss.
You each say you will keep in contact.
And you do. For awhile.
But then one day one of you just stops calling, e-mailing or texting.
There was no fight, no reason, you both just stopped.
Unfortunately, I’ve learned that many work relationships in HR come and go, but your life and your career goes on. Very few develop into deep, lifelong friendships. I know that sounds harsh. But it’s the brutal truth. At least, in my case it has been. But, maybe that’s just me because my relationship building and follow-up skills suck. I confess.
But I’m curious: Have you experienced the same thing?
Ever wonder why?
Perhaps this poem will shed some light on things for you. It’s helped me come to terms with the various types of relationships your build in your career in HR.
It’s called…
A REASON, SEASON OR A LIFETIME
People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
No matter where you are in your HR career today, during this holiday season, take some time to give thanks for your past and current relationships.
Those that you developed for a REASON.
Those you developed for a SEASON.
And, especially those you’ve developed for a LIFETIME. Nurture and cherish those.
Have a great Thanksgiving!
Got comments or additional thoughts on this article, post them HERE.
About the author: Alan Collins is Founder of Success in HR. He was Vice President – Human Resources at PepsiCo where he led HR initiatives for their Quaker Oats, Gatorade and Tropicana businesses. He is author of the HR best seller, UNWRITTEN HR RULES . His new book, BEST KEPT HR SECRETS is now available on Amazon.
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I hope many people read and follow it up. My own relationship maintenance skills must be sucking because I do try to keep in touch but most people just move on.
I have become sort of so anti-’out of sight, out of mind’ mentality of people that I prune my facebook account every 6 months.
Thanks for telling that it happens with everyone. Had relationship building been so easy then ofcourse everyone would have been doing it.
You had to write this only because people don’t write, don’t call, don’t send flowers anymore…
Facebook – good pt – should probably use it more to stay in touch – and prune every few months.
Another gem from you Alan..thx again.
Hello Mr. Alan..its simply an awesome post!…i just want the soft copies of all your published books…plz tell me how to get them…coz i m not geting in book stores here…I will be grateful to u…coz i realy want to read them all…
Regards
Seema
Totally agree with your take on business relationships. Friends come and go for various reasons without malice. It’s a strong person who realizes that; benefits and shares from knowing that person and then repeats that cycle with someone else. Every relationship has its purpose, not all are forever. It also takes work to keep any relationship active.
A good, warm and hopeful view to us who find it easy to get in touch with people but lousy at remembering faces and names … Knowing that relationships for various reasons are broken still had a purpose and was not a failure. It strengthens and I dare to step into a new relationship
The article was agreat reminder call.
A wonderful post. With more than 20 years of serving in the military and almost equally as long as a HR professional in other assignments, I can truly identify with your article. Excellent!!!
David – thanks for weighing in — and congrats on your service both to our country and to HR!