Lost My HR Job – Now, What Do I Tell My Kids?
by Alan Collins
I got this question by e-mail a few days ago from an HR manager with 3 kids. Told him I’d post the answer to his question here. Dennis, here you go…
If you’ve lost your HR job, after you’ve shared the news with your spouse, then both of you need to agree on how to best tell your kids.
While you can probably delay a few days before meeting with your children (which will give you time to put your emotions in check and gather your thoughts), don’t let weeks go by without taking action.
Kids often have a sixth sense when something is wrong, so letting them know what is going on, in an age-appropriate manner, is crucial.
Here are some suggestions for breaking the news:
- Time the discussion carefully. You don’t want to unnecessarily distract them from important school activities. Make sure you tell all the children at the same time. You don’t want anyone to hear the news second-hand.
- Be truthful. But don’t try not to overburden them with too many of the emotional or financial details.
- Make sure your kids know this situation is not anybody’s fault. Your children may not understand about job loss and may immediately think that you did something wrong to cause it. Or, they may feel that somehow they are responsible; so they need your reassurance in these matters, regardless of their age.
- Don’t close off discussion on this topic – keep communications channels open. Ask your children if they have any questions. If they don’t raise any immediate concerns, let them know that their questions are important and that you’d be happy to discuss them further at a later time.
- Keep speculation to a minimum. Issues such as the possibility of moving out of the neighborhood or relocation are better addressed if and when they actually materialize.
- Important: Let your children help. Don’t ask them to, but if they offer to defer expensive purchases or take a small cut in their allowance, let them (even if you don’t need it). It can help them feel like they’re contributing to the family in a meaningful way.
Most important, emphasize to your kids that this is a temporary situation, not a permanent state of affairs. It will be a challenge, but with the family working together, life will soon be back on track again.
Dennis, hope this helps.
If you’d like to discover tips and strategies to avoid getting laid off from your HR job, then download our FREE 20 page special report: “HR Recession Guide: 7 Ways To Recession-Proof Your HR Career & Avoid Losing Your HR Job” (pictured left) at: http://www.HRRecessionGuide.com.
About the Author: Alan Collins is CEO & Chief Editor, SuccessInHR.com. He was formerly Vice President – Human Resources at Pepsi where he led HR initiatives for their Quaker Oats, Gatorade and Tropicana businesses.
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From Eric Pringle on LinkedIn.com
You know, my Dad was the VP of HR at for a large truck manufacturer when I was a kid. In about 1982 (I was 12), his firm was bought by Volvo and his role was taken by one of the Swedish HR folks. He never said a thing about it – he just woke up every day and made finding a job his new job. Your family will always be understanding if you are working to be a provider and your actions will speak louder than anything you say to your family.
I will note that when I went to college, he encouraged me to go into anything but HR as he felt that the closer you were to a revenue driving position, the safer you would be. Did I listen? Of course not
But I have always led by the example he set. When you have a job, be the best at it and you will survive a lot of downturns. If something happens that is out of your control and you find yourself without a job, work to the best of your ability to remedy that situation and be the provider your wife married. By the way, he did eventually take his own advice and has been a CEO for the last several years.
Eric, thank you for taking time to share this very personal and thoughtful response. I love your story, words of wisdom and your take on this very difficult topic. Thank you very much. Alan.
On 03/18/09 12:30 PM, Edward Baker wrote:
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First and foremost if you have a family you are working to provide them with the things in life the need. Teaching your children values is the greatest contribution you can make to their development.
Being honest with your family and telling them the truth is critical. That situation will by its very nature cause changes in your families life and by being honest and direct that will remove the element of fear that children can develop.
In addition to telling them the truth regarding your circumstance also tell them what you are doing to locate another job as well as what changes may happen until you do locate a new opportunity.
None of us are poker faced card players and kids have a sixth sense. Be loyal, be honest and be the parent who will lead by example in teaching his/her children about honest, commitment and values.
Good luck!
From Sandip Glover at LinkedIn.com
There is a popular saying “Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches” The grief and trauma of the person who has just been asked to go is very difficult to understand. I fully endorse comments made by Eric as well as Alan on http://www.succesinhr.com . However would like to share certain thoughts -
First & foremost – the person concerned has to put his own emotional house in order. Now having said this I know it is not that easy. So my advice would be to try and act as a true HR consultant & examine this whole episode CLINICALLY. Detach yourself psychologically and then give advise to YOURSELF as a consultant. I can assure by this way one would be emotionally detached from the trauma being experienced to a great extent and thus would be in a better position to face the kids and rest of the world.
* It is equally important that one is “scene” to be helping oneself coming out of this difficult situation. The underlined word here is “scene”. If we are making efforts to come out of a difficult situation – the family would be in a different mode “to also contribute constructively”, instead of making things worst. Do not forget – in the bargain your kids are getting a very important lesson in life from their father “How to face any tough situation ?”
* Please make a comprehensive list of options available based on the aptitude and strengths – make an excel sheet covering options. Take help from spouse, other family members and grown up kids. INVOLVE THEM !
* Discuss and deliberate with the family members and zero down on the probable options that you would want to persue.
Lastly – As I have mentioned in my blog http://www.sandygro.blogspot.com , these times are cyclic and would soon taper off and who knows this is God’s way of making yet another CEO.
With best wishes
Sandip Glover
FROM SONAL (NANDINI) BAJAI at LinkedIn.com:
Gone through the viewpoints of all, i would be very junior to comment anything on to this its bit early , but as HR professional i can say time had changed now , we need to understand the demand at work had gone really high and family on other side is till teying to adjust to change trend and mindset.
This whole process of transformation will take time , but again one needs to remain positive,keep doing their job in relax manner , but as same time try to adopt to changing ways at work .
This situation is crucial for evryone either at junior/middle/senior when evryone is getting judged by value added contributions.
Family need to be supportive,we have to make them understand the changing trend in positive way.
Share your family burden with spouse ,kids , if you are getting more busy these days .its just Stay Positive
Alan you have offered some awesome information to many HR professionals like myself who are in search of the next opportunity. I am going to revisit my resume after looking at the style and wording of other HR professionals in the companies I would like to work for. I do have a question for you. I quite a job because of intergity issues (this is a well known company). What would you suggest someone like me say when asked why I left that position. The company was asking to lie not to mention push to hire younger candidates.
Antoinette,
Thanks much for the feedback. I sent you a separate response to your question directly to your e-mail address.
Alan
[...] As tough as it may be to discuss your fears, you need to lay it on the line with your partner about your current job situation. Trying to protect her him/her from possible bad news, while admirable, may well backfire if your partner feels that you have intentionally kept him/her in the dark. If there are kids involved, talk about if, when and how you’ll break the news to them. You’ll find suggestions here. [...]